sometimes i really hate my life, my best friend offically hates me so i guess that makes him no longer my best friend. and because of that i lost almost all of the friends i had left. and i lost all of the other ones because i was friends with him. right now i have NOTHING left! NOTHING! i'm half tempted to just give up on life its self. who would think that things could go so shitty so fast! ugh! i'm sick of all this and just want it all to end... and the sad part is that if i was gone, everything would be better for everyone. i'm an unwanted part of socity. i'm tempted to ditch school for a day or 2 and drive to florida or north carolina... acctually ANYWHERE but here! maybe this weekend after the staff thing i'll drive to tahuya and see Ginger! or visit Christine... or anyone who doesnt hate me! GAH! i hate this so much! i'm just ready for it all to end!!! 6 more days.... only 6 more days and I will be happy cause brock will be home and even if nothing happens with us i really dont care cause i'll atleast have someone to talk to then. 6 DAYS in counting!!!

~Jessie!

ok so the weirdest most awesomely amazing dream ever last night!!!!

It was the day of graduation rehersal and for some odd reason it was at an ice skating rink (i dont know just go with it) so i was ice skating and then walked outside and Brock was standing there, and suddenly we were at my old elementary school on the playground. We were walking and talking, he was holding my hand and we ran into john and ashley and started talking. well john and brock walked off and then john came back and so i went to find brock. well i walked over to where the soccer feil is at the school (its dirt with a fence blocking this steep hill with stairs on either sides) so i get there and brock had flowers lining the entire fence... like not just one at a time like a dozen in a bucket all in a row.... amazing sight took my breath away. then he grabbed my hand and kissed me then said 'I'm sorry its not ready but this is all for you' and he walked me down the hill to a blanket with a picnick basket. then after we had been sitting there for a while i realized that we had rehersal, so I some how appeared in the ice rink again but it was different the ice was cracking and all the people there were friends of mine from when i was little so it was all girls. we were in our cap and gowns and tossed up our caps. then the ice started to break and ashley and i ran out of there, and magically ashley wasnt in her cap and gown anymore. so when walking out we were back on the play ground but this time over by the gym and john and brock were waiting for us. i took off my gown and i was wearing this flowered skirt that i had gotten for my birthday when i was in 7th grade but it was brighter colors then that one, and i was wearing a white tank top too, but i was all wet, and i still had my cap on.... but it wasnt mine, it was brocks white marine corps cover, and i looked up and brock was standing there in his dress blues. i then asked ashley 'where did this cover come from' and she said 'brock put it on your head, he took your cap and gave you his cover' i looked back at the cover and touched the egale globe and anchor. Then it was just brock and I, just standing there, brock holding me in his arms.

then i woke up... that was sad... but the deam was nuts... but i was with brock and he was as sweet as can be... ah i love dreaming... the most amazing thoughts in the world. oh how i want that boy!

Luvs
Jessie
AKA: Rabbit

ok so i havent written in a long time... mainly because i've been busy and i've been writting in my other online journals.... but no one i know reads this so i can write EVERYTHING! hahaha! so over the summer up untill HC i dated Houston... he broke up with me the day after homecoming... for another girl... great... then i got asked to the marine corps ball by brock... the Hottest PFC i know! Ah i heart him! but we never got to go because he got shipped off to boot early... ummm... ohh so then new years came and houston came over and simone scotty and i got wasted and i was so drunk that i started to make out with houston on the couch in front of every one... awesome.... only not! ummm so we dated and then he broke up with me durring tolo... how nice... i saw that one coming 2 weeks before he did it... while we were dating tho... i started to really like this guy... more then i already did ( i liked him before houston and i started dating for the second time) if you cant guess its brock... but yeah he came home for 10 days and right when i saw him i was just like OMG i want to cheat on houston! right here right now.. but i couldnt i am a faitful girlfriend... DAMN! but whatever houston and i arent together anymore so it doesnt matter... and brock comes home from tech school on the 26th :-D thats gonna be hella exciting... I just got a letter from him today with pictures... and OMG he is sooo freakin hott!... marine uniform! ah! i love it! oh we won Drill Team this year... AGAIN!! on to nationals :-P... so yeah.. thats the update... AH i cant wait for him to be home... it will be amazingly awesome!

Luvs
Jessie
AKA: Rabbit